"I can't say that's not a big part of it," she admits with a shrug, then looks away. It's not an easy question to answer. During the fight she hadn't really been thinking at all, only acting on a decision she'd made a long time ago. The only thing she had wanted was for the encounter to end. Explaining that decision now dips into difficult territories and complicated feelings, feelings she only knows how to deal with by ignoring. Even without meaning to keep secrets, the best she can do is talk around the truth.

"I still have nightmares, you know? I've had a long time to ask myself if I should have pulled the trigger all those years ago. But it's different, when you're out of options. When you're not sure you even have the strength left to walk away."