avalaughs | TEST DRIVE MEME ⚔️️ 10

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TEST DRIVE MEME ⚔️️ 10

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⚔️️ Top-Levels Only ⚔️️

SUMMARY: New arrivals drop into the lake and have to climb up a cliff to the Rent a Ride, where they are given their device and some headphones and can retrieve their personal materials. They travel to Camelot, which is a multiple day journey, so they stop at the Red Springs along the way and stay at an inn there.

A ⦿ Soaking in Your Arrival

KERPLUNK, SPLASH!

Regardless of what you were in the middle of, you and your familiar have been magically pulled into the world of Avalon just above the Bay's waters. After a brief plunge into the Bay, the rush of water filling your ears and soaking up into every creak and crevice of your body, you may need to cough to clear your airways when you rise above the surface. It's still chilly, but not enough that you can't manage on your own. The Lady of the Lake is swimming around under the water, helping to rescue any wayward travelers who look like they're struggling in the water. This month's helpers are giant pillow jellies, a species of jellyfish that is capable of ballooning itself at the surface to create bouncy pads for characters to hop across to the shore, should they choose or not be able to swim. They come in a variety of bioluminescent colors, but do not seem to be very talkative even to animal magic users. Those who try may find themselves being ignored, even if they hear the jellies talking amongst themselves about this and that.

If anyone tries to ask the Lady of the Lake for directions, she will direct you to Archimedes at the Rent-a-Ride. The shores themselves are littered with new arrivals complaining their way up a staircase carved into the walls of the White Cliffs. There is no railing, so be careful, but if you do fall, be prepared for a mysterious sand hand to reach out of the side of the cliffs to catch you. The hand will pat you atop the head twice before retreating back into the wall. This is the Cliff Beast; despite the name, he is quite friendly. (Though.. given how hot and muggy the weather is this first week, maybe you might want to ask him to toss you right back into the lake where the waters are still cool.)

*Reminder: Your character's familiar may or may not be with your character in their initial plunge. If the familiar isn't partial to water, it may meet your character on the beach or sit atop their head while they swim. Or if they are, they might splash about and swim alongside your character. Familiars have different personalities and body specs and we leave those up to the players.

B ⦿ The Caravan to Camelot

Once everyone is wrangled up to the top of the White Cliffs, the handsome owner of the Rent-a-Ride, Archimedes, will distribute smart phones and a pair of ear buds and tell them to "Check the Shit Box." The "Shit Box" refers to wardrobe more formally known as the Wardrobe of Finding, a hammerspace-like wardrobe that opens to each person's items and pets when the person touches the handle. It was recently enchanted by Merlin to prevent people from having to fish their waterlogged possessions and pets out of the water with them. From there, Archimedes directs everyone to settle in groups into modernized carriages pulled by horses and gives them a basic explanation of why and how they've been brought to Avalon: The rest of the universe is frozen in time and your character has been brought here by a familiar that was able to bond with them. They'll have to learn magic to help save their own world from destruction, but first they've got to get them to Camelot. It is here that you have the first opportunity to decide who they will be in their new home. You'll have about an hour to wander around here, meet and greet, and pet the horses before it's time to go.

These carriages use fae technology that combats weight, so your character will be able to get in regardless of whether they're light as a feather or weigh two tons. The carts have air conditioning when it's hot, heating when it's cold, and a mystical shield to protect from bugs. There is also a mini-bar that pops out of the console with whole coconuts filled with tropical drinks and topped with tiny umbrellas. Strawberry daiquiris, pina coladas, margaritas, mai tais, and more... all frosty and in the spirit of keeping you cool during the sunny month of August. (Naturally, virgin editions are available for the underaged.) Characters can use their smartphones to connect to Camelot's internet service,

avalononline (AOL), to chat with other characters, watch dumb videos, learn about the world, contact Camelot Support (they'll answer any questions they can for you, from how to use a smart phone to where to find quests and resources to learn more about your magic). Be careful if you decide to use your phones while in the caravan-- if you don't use those earbuds and start forcing everyone to listen to your nonsense, Archimedes may make you walk.

C ⦿ The Red Spring

The journey from the White Cliffs to the City of Camelot is a long one, and the first evening you arrive you'll end up spending at the Red Spring, a booming resort town. Because of the volume of new arrivals and vacationers, inn rooms are assigned two-to-a-room. The rooms have two twin beds, a bathroom, a mini-fridge and microwave, and a TV equipped with a couple of entertaining video games and a few free movies.

If you don't want to relax in the room, try taking a dip in the spring for another chance to meet your fellow travelers. The waters have restorative properties that help horses and travelers recover quickly when drunk. It is known to relieve stress, improve energy levels, and mildly accelerate healing. It may be a little chilly when you get out though, so make sure you don't slip rushing back indoors when you get out!

The springs are also home to a large training grounds just outside town limits, where there are teachers who will teach basic magic safety and help you discover what kind of magic you have together with other new arrivals. Try target practice, obstacle courses, meditation circles, and other ways to try to figure out just what you can do... if you didn't already have an accidental discovery on the ride there.

SUMMARY: The first attempt at using the mounts to travel en-masse up to fae territory is filled with problems: mandrake sprouts caused by recent murders drumming up requests to dig them up, two titanic creatures face off in the lake and catch characters in a maelstrom, and a mysterious underwater town with a strange curse being good neighbors with a last minute save... at a slight risk: becoming a merperson, naga, or cecaelian for a little while.

With communications with Elphame in Celliwig disrupted by specters and Arthur temporarily decommissioned, the Hall of Mirrors is temporarily off limits for cleansing rituals. Celliwig has encouraged people to return to Camelot for the time being, which is just as well with all the newcomers flooding in. Last month's new arrivals through the old guard got an introduction to the new aquatic mounts and there are now plenty of people versed in how to handle and work with the magical alpacapies, mossatees, and deinosuchus. As scout parties head out further, there are a few problems that they've run into that need a helping hand from Camelot's otherworldly population.

A ⦿ A Mandraconian Task

"Not-So-Good Morning"

mandrake root

pulled aside and asked to help harvest the mandrake roots

B ⦿ Clash of the Titans

a maelstrom forms in their path

C ⦿ Fresh Waters

heading back

An underwater town

seeking out someone to break a curse

SUMMARY:After the recent event, people need to recover and heal. So Camelot's castle opens its doors for an open house, a swap meet and poetry battle auction, and a healing circle ritual.

Arthur is injured and recovering, and news has spread on social media about it. There are lots of well-wishers and gifts being sent to the castle... enough that there's just too much for Arthur to do anything with it. He needs time to recover and rest and not be bothered, and as such declares that all those who need it shall share in the wealth and generosity of those wishing him well. The abundance (Especially from guilty Celliwigians who didn't realize what was happening right under their own noses) results in a few things happening...

A ⦿ Open House

new foods made from recipes from all around the different worlds

royal public baths

old architecture mixing with jacuzzi jets

waterfall shower rooms

glowing colors by their mood

live show with a magician

rose gardens

B ⦿ Swap Meet

open-market bazaar

swindled

to win art, you must first prove yourself worthy of art

C ⦿ Healing Circle After Party

It's good to take care of yourself with a little fun, but if you're still stressed, hurt, traumatized, mildly upset, hung over, or just want to feel better about yourself, consider joining in some of the local witches and wizards in a meditative healing ritual. Step one: Gather herbs from the castle gardens. They've got all kinds, but you're looking for things like yarrow, apple blossoms, cinnamon, and lemon balm. Once you've gathered your herbs, join in the silent meditation circle with an available partner. Anyone is fine, but once you've entered the circle with someone, it's very important that you do not make any noise. Silence is important, and as you burn each of your herbs with your partner, you'll find that the smoke forms a barrier that surrounds the two of you. Put your hands together, and focus on the source of your pain. You will share your emotions with the person you're performing the spell with. They will feel everything you feel in that moment, and be able to share the burden without having to speak of or share what caused this pain. With the pain lightened, you will find that the smoke lights up and dissipates up at the top. Whether or not you choose to share with your newfound partner... well, that's up to you, but they sure are going to know how you're feeling right now, and that definitely wasn't warned about when you were asked to join the healing circle.

MOD NOTES:
• All test drive prompts are open to anyone in the game at any time to create your own logs with, but this post should have top-levels by potential new characters only. Current characters may reply to any threads, but should not top-level comment on this post.
• If your application is accepted, you may accept TDM threads as game canon as long as both players consent. Characters may begin threading as soon as their journal is accepted to the communities.
•If nothing here tickles your fancy, try one of this month's Quests for your TDM prompt.
• The first "Arrival" prompts are present on every TDM, but contain seasonal tweaks for flavor. All other prompts will change monthly.
• Questions about this TDM's content? Comment here! If you have a question about the game at-large, please head over to the FAQ.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ This is supposed to be calming, right? Soothing?! Ritsuka does not feel the least bit soothed! If anything, it's more like her stress levels have just multiplied tenfold!!

She takes a few deep breaths anyway, in the hopes that it will help. There's a thousand questions rattling around in her head, though most of them circle like sharks around a few large themes: what happened to you?--both after that priest stabbed him, and how he wound up here and everything related--and also, how much danger am I in? There's no Chaldea here, and one could argue that their agreement was void after his death(?). There's no Mash or any other Servant to step in, and even if he considers himself a bottom-tier mage, he still is one. What does she have? She doesn't even have the Mystic Code with the Gandr spell. Her best bet would be to run into a crowd and hope that there'd be no bystander effect.

In answer to that, she just has to cling to what both Da Vinci and Mash told her, about him being kind deep down. It's probably too late for the camaraderie she'd daydreamed about when she'd found out that Team A was being revived, but maybe they could at least have a truce? That'd be nice.

As much as she tries to drag out the burning, there still comes the inevitable moment where she feeds the last sprig of apple blossoms to the flames, and her hands are empty. Oh boy. Now is the inevitable next part. He's not the only one contemplating just bolting, but she doesn't know if that would mess things up. What if it breaks something bigger than just this?

...And not only that, she's never actually been someone to run from her problems. She takes a deep breath of the fragrant smoke, then hesitantly lifts her hands to him, palms out. Like this? Is this what she does?! ]

[Is this what they do?! . . . In contrast to Ritsuka, Kadoc does actually feel himself relaxing by inches as they burn the herbs, though he's not about to attribute that to the herbs themselves. It's more a matter of just having time to process and cope with this in his head while going through a repetitive, admittedly soothing gesture. There's just something about burning shit. It could be that having to do this in silence, while at least somewhat focusing on the task at hand, actually was the best way this could have happened after all; what was the alternative? What would he have done if he'd run into her in the bazaar or something? Flipped out and caused a scene for no real reason?

Because there really is no reason. He has a truce with Chaldea here, unless she's not interested in maintaining that—and maybe she won't be. Ah, there it is, the core of the anxiety within him now; he's got it. Maybe she won't be. Why would she be, after everything he's done to them? It's never made sense to him that Gareth and Gawain accept him, or even that Beowulf is grudgingly willing to call truce with him. He's been lucky to get off as easy as he has. And now the person with the most reason to hold a serious grudge is here, and it's not like back on the Shadow Border, where she'd needed information from him and he'd been their prisoner. Now they're just here. She'll turn them all against him, and he'll deserve it. He can't stand up to Chaldea on his own. And why should he even try? These are his just desserts.

And with all of that swimming in his head—or maybe he's the one swimming in it, drowning, being pulled under by the ankle by a whirlpool of anxieties—

When he presses his palms to hers, that's what she'll feel. Fear. Anxiety, guilt, shame, anticipation, envy and jealousy both distinct yet conjoined.

And, along with that, a sick sense of joy in resignation, the feeling of the other shoe having not only dropped, but crashing right through the floor to open up a yawning pit and the urge to just leap right into it.]

...

[ She sucks in a quick breath--whether it's at the contact or at the sudden influx of feelings that aren't hers, she's not sure. This is weird! Handholding is something that's been coded as romantic in her head, so even if this is completely not, she sure does feel a way about it.

Some of that bleeds in her own offered feelings, though she's overall far more simple. There's a bewildered sort of resignation (it's another day ending in y), surprise, confusion--and there's a fear that rests with a bone-deep kind of exhaustion that Ritsuka herself is only barely conscious of, a thing that has been years building. It has little to do with Kadoc himself--he's involved, of course he's involved, but it's not him. It's the weight of Solomon's true final vision, of someone who could solve the problem that he inadvertently created, and everything that has followed ever since. She's three Lostbelts down. It's not a weight meant for a single person, but what other choice does she have?

Deep down, though--buried under that, and her confusion, and all everything else... she's happy. She's happy that he's alive--that at least one person she's tried to save, one person in all the literal thousands of casualties she's had to cause so far, survived. She's so happy to see him alive, even if he hates her.

But like the exhaustion nipping at her heels, it's nothing Ritsuka is consciously thinking of. It's just there, all her feelings, and she's too busy trying to process his. Whoa?! This is beyond trippy right now. ]

[Of course, he has no idea his feelings just broke the dam of his own mind and flooded into her. They weren't warned. Who would expect that, though maybe by now, he really should? Isn't it always something here? But he has no idea; all he knows is that he can feel something that isn't his now, too, and his eyes go wide. He looks at their hands, then at her face, too stricken to be guarded just for a moment.

They aren't his, are they? Tired . . . so tired. Kadoc knows that feeling. So many days over so many years of striving for something he wasn't certain he'd ever obtain, back in his childhood. So many freezing nights in Russia without sleep, poring over battle plans and political manipulations that he'd known would probably come to nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet he'd needed to labor under them anyway. He'd wanted to. Yeah, he's been fucking tired.

But these days, he isn't, not so much. It has to be coming from her.

The moment passes, and the feelings fade. Kadoc jerks his hands away to hold them up to his chest with a little gasp of his own, just a sound in his throat.

What's really the strangest thing about it all is that, despite the dawning shock of what must have just happened, he still feels better, like something nasty was purged from him. Well. That had been the point of the spell, now, hadn't it?]

[ When Kadoc pulls back, Ritsuka folds her hands over her chest; it feels sort of like the sore ache after a thorn has been pulled out, or a rock removed from a shoe--something exposed to the air that needs it, that feels simultaneously worse for a couple of seconds, and then better. That weight is still there--no matter what they tell her here, she knows, deep down, that her work isn't over. Even if everything gets restored to what it was--there are still four Lostbelts left. They won't go away, even if everything else is bandaged up.

But that's something to worry about later. (Or more accurately, to be ignored later.) For now, she blinks at him, wide-eyed and confused all over again. Whaaaaaaaat was thaaaaaaat? She wants to ask that, but she's not sure if the whole silence thing is supposed to still hold! Mages and all their weird rules continue to go right over her poor confused head.

After a moment, she looks from him, to the edge of the circle, and then to him again, jerking her head in that direction. Wanna get out of here? I wanna get out of here. ]

[The silence is probably meant to hold, and he knows it. Kadoc tenses for that moment when he can sense her wanting to speak—don't!—but then she doesn't, and he breathes out, watching her gesture instead. Okay. This is fine. This is just what's going to happen now, and it could be worse than it seems to be thus far.

Seems to be. He can't be sure. Some wild animal in his heart is still crouched and breathing hard, muscles tense, ready to flee into the trees at the first sign of some beast coming to devour it. Her revenge. He can't convince that startled fawn in him that she's not going to seek it, no matter how strangely casual she is about leading them out of the circle, and no matter how tired she is, which is down to and into the bones, he now knows. The exhaustion lingers in him. He nods minutely at her and goes to head out of the circle, feeling it drag at his steps. . . . Maybe some of that is the fading adrenaline of both the shock and catharsis of the ritual.

But some isn't.

As they walk, he watches her warily, but without the hard stare they'd exchanged on their way in. They step out into the open—into little clusters of lightly chattering people, which feels surreal in the aftermath of that intense and oppressive silence.

Of course, now that Kadoc's free to break it, hell if he knows how to start.]

[ There's a moment, when they step outside, where Ritsuka has to stop and take a deep breath. Now that she's had a little bit of time to process, she can tell that she does feel better... not completely, not perfectly, and she knows her troubles will come back to haunt her, but that's not now. Not yet.

She takes a deep breath of fresh air and thinks: this could be worse. Things could be a lot worse. Her shoulders relax. In the end, no matter how helpful that ceremony was, she likes being outside like this better--where it's lighter, and the air is clear, and maybe most importantly, there are people around them. All these little signs of life mean a lot. There are people here who are alive. Kadoc is alive. That feels pretty huge in and of itself!

Though it's not like she knows what to say to him either, to be honest. She has a hundred (a thousand!) options, and none of them really feel right... for now, after taking her moment, she starts to walk again. If this is going to get messy, it doesn't have to be right in the entryway. They can have a little more privacy than that. ]

[Ah . . . they're out in the open now, free from the restrictions of the ritual, and Fujimaru had deep breath and . . . not said anything. Just kept walking.

Wait, what?!

Kadoc had absolutely expected her to be the first to break the silence there! Come on! She's the one who's like that between them, isn't she? Not that he knows her very well, honestly speaking. They were never even colleagues. What is she to him? A rival, once, and a target. A conqueror. He'd studied her in his Lostbelt because he'd had to, but that's a far cry from actually getting to know her on a personal level; it was watching her interactions with Chaldea and her Servants, and the locals, that had given him the impression of her he has: someone who knows how to talk to people.

And she probably is that, but this is not that situation, is it? This is probably mercy on him, if she's just walking away.

But it's like a scab he can't help but pick at. Kadoc trails along after her, falling behind, arms crossed over his chest. Finally:]

. . . Now you've got nothing to say to me? You sure looked like you did five minutes ago.

It's not like that. I just thought it'd be better to move away a little from the crowd.

[ Her voice is a little crackly from the smoke, but she does glance at him when she says it. There's a slightly isolated spot--still in full view of the people milling in and out of the area where the ritual is still ongoing, but not so close that people could overhear them. Maybe that'll change if they start yelling, but they at least don't have to start on that level.

Once she stops, she turns to face him, her arms loosely crossed over her chest. It's not quite a defensive gesture, but it's not not one, entirely. There is something a little wary in her, too, even if she's not at his levels of paranoia. ]

...I'm glad you're alive.

[ Might as well get that out of the way. It feels better to say that first, rather than throw that in as some sort of weird coda to whatever else might come up.

And it's the truth. Ritsuka isn't above playing dumb or white lies to sidestepping a dangerous situation, but for deeper and more sincere feelings, she'd rather not. He should know that, whatever else they say to each other right now. ]

—Why?!

[His mouth comes out with that before his brain can overthink it, reacting to the tone maybe even more than the words themselves, like a dog being spoken to by its owner. The question isn't really why she's glad he's alive. There are plenty of potential reasons, not all of which are remotely selfless; if nothing else, he had once agreed to give Chaldea information about the Crypters, and they'd only been stopped by a forcible interruption. That's reason enough.

So the question is really, why say it, and why say it that way? Manipulation? She's not the type. Kadoc at least does know that much about her. But anything else . . . he can't take that for granted, or even begin to understand it. So his arms tighten around himself, and he watches her with suspicion rather than gratitude.]

You know, you don't have to be all earnest and crap about it if you just wanna capitalize on the truce I've got going on with Chaldea here. I'll play along with you. No need to try and win me over.

[ She's not really surprised that this is his response. Even her own Servants hadn't really understood at first, so why would someone who had slotted himself as her enemy? She meets his gaze evenly, steadily, her expression calm. ]

I'm saying it because it's true. That's not saying I don't wanna punch you in the face for trying to go at Mash the way you did.

[ That is also important to establish. She forgives--probably the most remarkable thing about Ritsuka is her capacity of forgiveness--but she doesn't forget. ]

I don't even know what kind of truce you're talking about. I'm saying it because I, Ritsuka Fujimaru, are glad that you, Kadoc Zemlupus, are alive. That has nothing to do with anyone else.

Even if you are a stupid raccoon.

A what? Are you crazy?! That's what you've got for me?

[Though it's a masochistic relief to hear she wants to punch him. Good. She should! Punching is the least he deserves for everything! For Kyrielight, sure, though it does throw him off a little that that's top of Fujimaru's mind here—but they're special, he knows. Their relationship is different from that of Fujimaru with any of those other hundreds of Servants. Kyrielight is her Servant, the way Anastasia had been his. So maybe it's not that outside the realm of belief, and yet . . .

Kadoc hadn't expected to be able to look her in the eye, but to his surprise, he can, meeting her with a gaze both baffled and suspicious.]

Heh . . . maybe you didn't pick up on this yet, but nothing's actually stopping you from punching me in the face here. Except my own Light magic, but that's nothing compared to what even I could've done back home to make a normal human regret throwing a punch if I wanted. Here, normies like you, weaklings like me, and entities as powerful as Servants have all been thrown back down into the gutter together to learn from scratch. Sure, there're still some inequalities, but it's nothing like home.

What I'm saying is, if what you want is to throw a punch, go for it. Hell, you've got my blessing. It makes a lot more sense than anything else you're saying.

Why is your first expectation violence...

[ It can't even be a guy thing, which she might have thought once upon a time, but these days, she knows an equal amount of women who'd be more than happy to immediately throw down. Maybe it's just a him thing. ]

Just because I want to doesn't mean I'm going to. Why would I? When are you going to get it through your head that I don't want to fight you?

[ Ah. She's so tired. All those good vibes from whatever ritual they'd done are fading fast--or maybe that's just the recovery talking. She's only three days off from receiving the antidote to her poisoning, and it's hit her a lot harder than she expected.

Whatever. She can worry about that later. Right now, she stares straight back at him, unwavering. ]

You want to know what's stopping me? What's stopping me is that even though I want to, I don't want to. I don't know what kind of person you think I am, but I'm not interested in being the way you punish yourself.

Especially not when it goes against what I believe in.

[Oh, he winces at that—I'm not interested in being the way you punish yourself. Shit, she didn't have to go that hard. Kadoc hasn't felt this Seen in a while. But that's her skill, isn't it? This worthless faux-mage who'd managed to survive everything. Kadoc had gotten to see her method and her madness firsthand, and he'd seen enough to know that her ability to truly see people and to cut to the heart of matters, facing them down just this firmly, must have been paramount to her victory. It sure wasn't her magecraft or her physical abilities.]

Dammit.

[He lets out a breath, brushing his hair back.

But despite himself, he feels a little better. It's more comfortable in its deep discomfort. Being seen through and picked at, not greeted with gratitude. Some tension, just a little, goes out of his shoulders.]

You're no pacifist, and not just 'cuz you aimed straight for the heart with that. Not that you're wrong. You've got at least some of me figured out, sure. But I'm not making any assumptions I don't think are reasonable. I've got no idea why you wouldn't want a go at me after all I've put you and your people through. I just can't wrap my head around that. So maybe you've got a thumb on my pulse more than I've got on yours. . . . Embarrassing. But I should've expected it.

If you guys spent so much time observing us, then I'm surprised you have no idea.

[ She's still steady, watching him; she sees the way his shoulders relax that tiny bit, but she doesn't soften just yet. Right now, she just wants to be steady, to convey a point as calmly as she can. ]

Do you know how many Servants in Chaldea wanted to stop us, at first? I think most of them have wanted to kill me at some point or other. Just because the one I summon isn't the one from the Singularity, that doesn't mean I've magically forgotten everything that's happened.

[ Maybe she's being naïve. Maybe she's being stupid. It doesn't matter. The simple fact that he remembers matters to her. It's not just her muddling through things one-sided, the other party confused and worried when she flinches, even when she doesn't mean to.

Being remembered is important to her, and she isn't willing to let that go. ]

What good does fighting you do? Just for my own satisfaction? I won't back down if someone wants to come at me, but I've personally never felt better after picking a fight in my whole life.

. . . You've got some rock solid self-control. I'll give you that. You may be on the bottom tier as far as mages go, and likely to get yourself killed with your approach even if no one else gets there first. You're hanging by a thread, Fujimaru. But your restraint is admirable. I've never once let how shitty I feel about something stop me from continuing to do it in the future.

[Because she's right, of course: Kadoc has also never felt better after picking a fight, not once. And yet his brain won't let go of the hope that one day it might pan out for him. Maybe this will be the time, it says, that he verbally crushes someone and enjoys it. This will be the time he comes out on top and manages to feel some glory in that. It has never happened in the past, and he knows it—but he just can't listen to himself when it comes to clawing at social scabs.

Like right now. He's insulting her as they speak, even after she held his hand and met the news of his survival with gratitude. Kadoc knows, now, how tired she is, and this can't be helping. She's been through so much and now he's flinging shit at her, and for what? Not even he knows. Does he hate her? Hadn't he realized back in Russia that he can't even aspire to the kind of hatred he'd once thought he held, wanted to hold, just for something to cling to?

But here he is! Here they are!

He looks away first, body curling in on himself just a smidge.]

Maybe you should try it, sometime.

[ It surely couldn't hurt, she thinks. For a guy who's so smart and so careful about his plans and other machinations, it seems wild to her that he wouldn't give the consequences some thought. Especially when it never seems to make him feel any better--his smiles had never seemed truly satisfied, back in Russia. ]

And you know, everything you're trying to say you expect me to do... I could say the same to you. Didn't you just say we're all on the same level, here? You could also do whatever you wanted and get away with it.

[ She doesn't know how he feels about her, in the end. Surely he hates her--for ruining his chances a second time, for the death of a Servant he'd clearly adored in his own prickly way, for not saving him when that priest had swept in to claim him. There are a lot of reasons, beyond her "stealing" his first opportunity, for him to resent her. The happiness she'd felt from him during that ritual hadn't been anything good.

She can't blame him, but nor is she willing to bow to that just to appease him. The part of her that wants to please people--to make them happy, to accommodate, to do her part to make things better--isn't something she can allow here. ]

I didn't say I don't try. That's where the self-control part comes in. Not everyone does everything they do because they think it's the best course of action.

[But that's enough of that. It's self-pitying, yeah, big surprise coming from him; Kadoc knows what he's like. But there's another undercurrent to it that could be interpreted as excusing his actions instead, and that he can't abide. The last thing he wants is for Fujimaru to look at him as some tragic soul who hadn't had a choice in everything he pulled. He had.

He shakes his head, expression hardening.]

But that's whatever. I've got no idea why you think what I'm doing right now isn't what I wanna do. Did you expect a fist to the face? I've never been any good at that, and I don't like shit I'm not good at. Besides, there are a lot of reasons why that'd be a bad idea.

[And he doesn't want to. He doesn't say that part explicitly. It feels almost secondary to the rest. But it's in there: he doesn't actually want to throw a punch at this girl.]

So there you go.

[ He's said it himself! There's a lot of reasons it'd be a bad idea for them to get into a fistfight! Even if she knows he's probably just applying it to himself, she feels like the scope is a little wider than that! ]

I don't want to fight you. I never have. You can make of that what you will. We can have a big old screaming argument, if you want that instead, but that's not going to change how I feel.

[ She, meanwhile, just feels bad. Not even emotionally, though that's certainly still there. Her head hurts, she's tired, she wants some water and a nap and maybe some food, in whatever order she can get it. But she doesn't really want to walk away from this, either. No matter what, Ritsuka's bad at backing down, even from something she doesn't want to do. ]

Ugh. What am I even gonna scream at you about? If something popped into my head and I really thought it'd help, maybe I would, but that's not where we're at now, is it?

[His tone goes a little petulant, childish. Once upon a time, when he'd first woken up, he'd had fantasies about taking his anger and envy out on Fujimaru. Confronting her somewhere alone, dressing her down until she felt as miserable as he did at the time. But those fantasies had always been as childish as his tone is right now—the very height of meaningless, impossible self-indulgence. It never would have happened that way, and not just because Kadoc isn't the kind of person who finds it easy to have a screaming argument. It's because you can't just pass on misery that comes from inside of yourself to someone else and have it leave you.

Back then, he hadn't known that, but he does now.

Still. He indulges just a taste of the childish right now. He can feel it in the little pout of his lip, and the color he knows is in his cheeks, and the hardness of his eyes that feels more affected than anything else. Like a kid trying to give someone the Evil Eye after learning about it for the first time, thinking it's just a matter of glaring as hard as they can.]

. . . You're a mess right now. Yeah, I felt it. I know you felt I'm a mess too, unless you didn't, and I've got surprise Cognitive I just learned about in the worst possible way. But either way, I think you might be worse off than I am. Why bother with my bullshit? Just walk away. Get some damn sleep. You don't owe me this consideration.

I'm okay.

[ She says it automatically, like it's a placeholder response. Ritsuka wouldn't classify herself a workaholic--especially not compared to Roman--but she does have some bad habits. Sometimes, the habit is just acknowledging her own limits and then flagrantly ignoring them.

That's a little harder to do when someone calls it out to her face, but is she a quitter? Absolutely not. ]

I've already been sleeping. I slept pretty much since they dropped us off at that weird little motel place. I'm tired of sleeping. And...

[ And. And this is perhaps the thing that doesn't make sense to Ritsuka; he's said the words, and she's heard them with her own ears, but it feels like there's some fundamental disconnect between that and her understanding. ]

Of course I do. You deserve consideration, just like anyone else.

Even if I do, which I'm not gonna argue with you about, it doesn't have to come from you.

[Take care of your own damn self. Kadoc also can't argue with being bored of sleeping; god knows he understands that one. It's been a pain to readjust to doing it here now that he's forced to do so, even though he also has no reason anymore to stay up all night other than habit and masochism. Habit is still habit, and a full night's sleep is pretty boring. But he won't give her that one out loud.

(That said, because he has been forced to actually sleep here at least some, he is looking a bit more healthy than he did last she saw him. Stab wound aside.)

But the point is that someone else can give Kadoc all the consideration they want. Someone whose life he didn't help destroy—though Ritsuka isn't the first from Chaldea to offer it to him. Ah.]

. . . Speaking of which, you're probably gonna want your Servants back. I won't fight you on it.

[ Ritsuka is bad at taking care of herself in completely mundane little ways, things that have only been exacerbated by being Chaldea's Master. It's never been something to be contrary about, so much as there never being time--when they aren't in the middle of infiltrating a Lostbelt, it's some other event that requires her time and attention, or Servant politics, or... any number of things. Habit is habit, and sometimes, the habit is just ignoring your own body until you have a moment to yourself. ]

Can you even form a contract here? Because if not, then what's there to take back? They're their own people. They can make friends with whoever they want.

...And maybe it doesn't have to come from me, but if I want to give it, then that's my choice.

. . . We can't. And even if we could, the Servant I'd take on isn't one of Chaldea's. I could never support anything but a Caster.

[If they could form contracts, he'd probably have one with Medea by now, but she isn't Fujimaru's Medea, which makes things a lot easier. Still, he has a reason for having brought this up that isn't quite as stupid as he feels anyway at her pointing out the obvious; his arms tighten over his chest, though he's no longer glaring, at least.]

But if nothing else, your Minotaur swore to stand by me until you arrived. Heh . . . what a sick joke. He's got no idea how I used the Lostbelt version of him for my own gain. They couldn't be more different. It really drives home how twisted the Lostbelts are. The point is, he'll be thrilled to have you back. Contract or not, they're still your Servants. Any one of them would agree with me.

...You do know that you can have more than one friend at a time, right?

[ Maybe he doesn't! Maybe this is another one of those flaws about mage society, which Ritsuka only barely understands. For all she knows, they do sincerely believe you can only have one person to be friends with, ever. ]

Asterios isn't stupid. If he's decided to follow you, then that's because he's decided you're worth listening to. And just because he might defer to me doesn't mean he'll never listen to you again.

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