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1. On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
2. You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
3. Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
4. please don't ironically join a cult
2. You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
3. Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
4. please don't ironically join a cult
1. So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
2. We spent the entire night making pillow forts and having sword fights. I think I'm in love.
3. There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to C Camelot.
4. Basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
2. We spent the entire night making pillow forts and having sword fights. I think I'm in love.
3. There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to C Camelot.
4. Basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
one — Tsumugi can't come to the phone right now. He's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
two — If there were pictures of last night I would be embarrassed.... I'm embarrassed without pictures.
three — In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
four — I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
five — There is a full size piano outside the theatre. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
1. Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
2. I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
3. i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
4. Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
[WILDCARD]
2. I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
3. i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
4. Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
[WILDCARD]
Edited 2021-11-20 23:34 (UTC)
1. There's a woman in line who keeps pushing her stroller into me. i'm gonna punch her baby.
2. I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
3. RETURN MY VIDEO GAME
4. Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about dif types of pasta???
5. Text her!
2. I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
3. RETURN MY VIDEO GAME
4. Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about dif types of pasta???
5. Text her!
1. Look, signal flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was an awful idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
2. Step 1 was make out with him. so now I just need to help him figure out step 2.
3. She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her banana. That's not possible, right?
4. I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
5. Text him!
2. Step 1 was make out with him. so now I just need to help him figure out step 2.
3. She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her banana. That's not possible, right?
4. I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
5. Text him!
1. Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
2. You were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. Who was I to stop you?
3. He asked me why I let you steal the gnome and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome.
4. I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
5. Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
6. To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom.
7. wildcard - text him!
2. You were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. Who was I to stop you?
3. He asked me why I let you steal the gnome and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome.
4. I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
5. Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
6. To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom.
7. wildcard - text him!
Edited 2021-11-19 18:11 (UTC)
What if it's surprisingly delicious? How would we know without trying? They wouldn't MAKE them if they didn't make money off them!
Curious. Isn't it a mystery? Why would such a thing exist? How does it continue to? What's its place in the great flow of everything?
And I have to take issue with your '10', while I'm at it! It's in a wrapper. It could be more gross. How can it be the grossest thing possible and yet still potentially be worse?
It MIGHT hurt. The way she said it, it almost seemed threatening.
Buuut nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
Buuut nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
1. You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
2. He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a guy he’s not seriously considering marrying.
3. Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
4. Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
5. I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
6. Text him!
2. He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a guy he’s not seriously considering marrying.
3. Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
4. Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
5. I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
6. Text him!
one — can you pick up lemons? have tequila and a sore throat... need them for both.
two — got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my bag.
three — so? find me, fuck me, then you can go sleep and i'll leave.
four — you said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
five — did i take a pizza out of your hand and eat it?
1. Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
2. No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
3. It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
4. I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my brother.
5. We were in the hot tub...They ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
6. Where is the hickey?
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